Blogging instead

I don’t much feel like being on camera to be honest, I don’t like looking at myself right now. 

 

I know that the key to self-esteem, according to some, is to do esteemable acts, meaning that i should do things I will respect myself for doing. I don’t feel like I’ve been doing much of those lately. Well, I did get into working out regularly, and even did that bike ride thing (yay!) but I haven’t worked out regularly since. (boo) now, I am trying to cut myself some slack on that one because there is something wrong with my foot. I don’t know what it is but I tried a bunch of different shoe inserts and finally made an appointment with an orthopedist for later this week, so that is a step in the right direction, hopefully. 

 

I also have to remember that doing classes online bums me out compared to classes on campus, mostly because I want to interact with people, so try not to blow that up in my mind. 

 

mostly right now I feel like I have been accepting treatment from people that i shouldn’t. i don’t know exactly what i SHOULD do when they treat me the way they do, I just know I don’t respect myself for what I have been doing. 

we’ve done some hardcore trauma work the last two sessions in therapy and so I took the week off and I’m not sure that was the best idea with how low i’m feeling right now. 

bah. i hate being so broke. like nothing is going to pull us out of this hole we are in. bah .

I’m waiting to hear back about a part-time job/internship thing that i really really really want, I thought I would hear today but I’m not panicking because I didn’t. no siree bob. 

 

i want to go to the beach, like, hella bad.